Bliss

I’ve always loved solitude. May it be sitting inside a lonely dark room or walking alone in twilight. I’ve always cherished the results of my camaraderie with loneliness. It was never as though I was a loner, or a self-occupied person. But the times I spent with myself, with my thoughts, I could always come up with answers to my unanswered questions. I never needed anybody to assist me to live, but lately that’s no more the case. I always tend to lean on to someone to talk to about my problems and needs. Unfortunately, this attitude of mine-which was never in me before-only brought troubles. Those who listened patiently to a distressed soul in me later when saw me getting better, shot back with accusations and alleged that they were burdened by my outpour. Some even went to the extent of saying that they lost their peace of mind, because of me. At the very rare times I get with myself these days, I used to recollect those particular instances closer to today in the past and compare them with the ones three or four years deeper into the past, just to feel the bliss of solitude.

The past four years at college was awesome. Though my life as an independent being started off with a little shyness and a lot of homesickness, it gave way to a more mature and self-driven motive for living. I could carry on my not-much-in-the-limelight silhouette for a few months after which things started to change. I got friends, best-friends (a concept to few, which was only a hypothesis to me) and then came the bundled obligations and expectations. The one who never believed in the best-friend hypothesis was drawn in too. I was no more alone. There had been a shadowy figure always with me, sometimes my own, sometimes of others’ who cared (apparently).

Even when I try to retreat back to the inside, take time for myself, people tend to nose in. I only need some time to figure out, but guys want to be lurking around for the reason. I tried to tell them I’m okay and that I would like to have some time for myself. But again, the hypothesis had its corollaries. I had to give in. But unfortunately, faith was manipulated, exploited. The trustworthy became untrustworthy, again due to their concept and its indispensables; a kind of chaining effect! It would have been better if those around me realized that I talked less and listened more. It may be hard for someone in a brotherhood to be drawn into the backstage, but never for me. Most of the time that was the case. I kept the puppet show going, but none realized who was pulling the strings.


I know there would be few repercussions to this post; and many criticisms too. But that can’t change everything, right? Loneliness is bliss.