Monday, May 17, 2010

Bliss

I’ve always loved solitude. May it be sitting inside a lonely dark room or walking alone in twilight. I’ve always cherished the results of my camaraderie with loneliness. It was never as though I was a loner, or a self-occupied person. But the times I spent with myself, with my thoughts, I could always come up with answers to my unanswered questions. I never needed anybody to assist me to live, but lately that’s no more the case. I always tend to lean on to someone to talk to about my problems and needs. Unfortunately, this attitude of mine-which was never in me before-only brought troubles. Those who listened patiently to a distressed soul in me later when saw me getting better, shot back with accusations and alleged that they were burdened by my outpour. Some even went to the extent of saying that they lost their peace of mind, because of me. At the very rare times I get with myself these days, I used to recollect those particular instances closer to today in the past and compare them with the ones three or four years deeper into the past, just to feel the bliss of solitude.

The past four years at college was awesome. Though my life as an independent being started off with a little shyness and a lot of homesickness, it gave way to a more mature and self-driven motive for living. I could carry on my not-much-in-the-limelight silhouette for a few months after which things started to change. I got friends, best-friends (a concept to few, which was only a hypothesis to me) and then came the bundled obligations and expectations. The one who never believed in the best-friend hypothesis was drawn in too. I was no more alone. There had been a shadowy figure always with me, sometimes my own, sometimes of others’ who cared (apparently).

Even when I try to retreat back to the inside, take time for myself, people tend to nose in. I only need some time to figure out, but guys want to be lurking around for the reason. I tried to tell them I’m okay and that I would like to have some time for myself. But again, the hypothesis had its corollaries. I had to give in. But unfortunately, faith was manipulated, exploited. The trustworthy became untrustworthy, again due to their concept and its indispensables; a kind of chaining effect! It would have been better if those around me realized that I talked less and listened more. It may be hard for someone in a brotherhood to be drawn into the backstage, but never for me. Most of the time that was the case. I kept the puppet show going, but none realized who was pulling the strings.


I know there would be few repercussions to this post; and many criticisms too. But that can’t change everything, right? Loneliness is bliss.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Story of My Placement

It’s long since I’ve been on blogosphere; time constraints and lack of resources being the reasons. Lack of resources here refers to the inability to access internet due to unavailability of a USB modem! Well I tried my luck with Airtel mobile internet and yes, I was lucky not once, but twice. And those two months I used their bandwidth as much and even more a normal human being can squeeze out! The tariff was Rs.274 a month with unlimited browsing and I could plug my cell into my PC and access internet through it, and even download as much as I wanted from free sites. The following month they hiked the rate by another 200 rupees and though I even paid that, I was shattered to see that Airtel was not providing EDGE this time, and I had to be complacent with the mere 20-40kbps browsing speed I was getting. I boycotted Airtel internet the first day of the third month itself. The saddest thing was that the past two months I got a sumptuous speed of over 150kbps consistently. I got pissed this third time and I had no means of coming online. The alternate options were not free either.

Ok, this above paragraph seems like an excuse for not blogging. And I can’t deny that 100 percent. After not writing anything for over 2 months, I lost the feel of writing. A lot of things happened in these quick but long five months. A new year had started, I got placed in Infosys, a new semester in my academic life had started- the final 8th semester and a lot more. Maybe I will write of it all in the coming posts, hopefully! And most importantly, the darkness that surrounded, mentioned in two of my previous posts had lifted and a light of new hope was dawning up in the horizon. Well, I had started this post hoping to write something witty, but there is something more important I think I need to write about this time. It’s been pending since last December. This in fact is a motivation from one of the teachers in college, who ardently follow my blog and even remind me often to not abandon writing. She knows me more through my blog than personally. It seems like both of us had misunderstandings about each other, she was one of the few among the crowd who saw the actual me under the veneer of my ever smiling disposition. The reason I write this blog is – she told me the day I informed her of my recruitment into Infosys – “Anup, all your blogs have a dark and sad genre, I expect one happy blog from you about this”. It’s true, but maybe that’s my style, yes the content can be made brighter though! And another motivation that I get from her is that she never comments in my blog, she does that personally.

Well, that’s it for the motivation and literature survey! I’ll come to the point – The Story of My Placement. Tada!

With almost all incidents in 2009 happening against my odds (from getting back-papers in the crucial 6th semester and not being able to attend CAT as a corollary, to various devastating personal issues), and me being left out, confused, hopeless and obliterated, there was this one announcement in the college, perhaps the last opportunity that I had - the placement drive by Infosys. The relief flooded in when the criterion was announced – 65% and above up to 5th semester with no live back-papers. I had a safe 72% and since 6th semester result was not considered, it was a jackpot for not just me, but for many others too. The worst result in our batch was the 6th semester, with almost over 60% of the students getting at least one arrear and an average of more than two per student. Another relief was that the Infosys method of recruitment is the easiest one to get through, with just two phases- the written aptitude test followed by the HR interview. The only challenge was that it was not just our college that was participating. There were two others too, two equally reputed colleges. This meant increased competition.

The Eve

Getting set for the big day. There were myriad things to do, from taking copies of photographs, printing out resumes, making photocopies of mark sheets etc. This was followed by the more difficult tasks, which involved selection- shoes and attire! After attending various interview-oriented seminars and walk-throughs conducted by college and other autonomous institutes, everyone had one dress-code in mind – sky blue shirt and jet black pants, the color of the shoe matching the color of the belt (whoa!!!) and the color of socks matching that of the pant! My friend Prashant and I had no formal wear suitable for an interview (and as always awakened to this grim realization on the very eve!) and had to go out shopping that night when one would be preparing hard for the test scheduled the following day.

It was just the two of us and after getting done with the resume, marklist and photos part, we were out in search of attire. After searching almost every decent men’s shop in Trivandrum city, neither of us could find anything close to suitable. At the Peter England’s showroom, we tried on a fitting shirt but the sky blue color of the same size shirt was available only in their ‘Elite’ collection which cost almost 2 grand! Finally the new Koutons showroom in the city came to our rescue. Both of us got what we were out for, and yes with minor variations in colors! I had no shoe for the day, and had to buy that too, it did not take much time, thanks to the Khadim’s retail shop. We had resumes and mark lists of friends’ to take copies of and after all of our endeavors were accomplished, we returned back to hostel past 10pm.

Tired of walking for miles and starving, our minds reluctant to prepare for the test, I decided to retire for the day.

The DAY

15-12-09. The day a milestone will be etched in my life. With nothing arranged the previous day, I had to start off with arranging the mark lists, resume and certificates into the folder that was bought the previous day. After a bath and getting dressed up, we set out to leave. There were five of us – Prashant, Vinit, Vinay, Saji and I. Before leaving few of us went to the church and others to the temple for blessings and prayers. The reporting time was 8am and we were already getting late. There were no auto-rickshaws or buses bound to the venue (SCT College) to be found. We split up into two groups and took an auto each to the central bus station at Thampanoor hoping to find a bus from there. On reaching the bus station, we could find no bus bound to our destination and decided to bargain auto-rickshaws to take us. The drivers were charging too much, apparently realizing our urgency, when finally one of them agreed to take all the five of us in one auto! Seeing the condition of his vehicle – one resembling a vintage early 90’s vehicle- and considering the fact that there were two hefty guys in our pack, we opined for two autos. Finally we split into groups of 3 and 2 and set off. Vinit, Prashant and I were in the second auto. The time being already few minutes past 8 and with almost over 1km to go, our auto was caught up in a long stretch of traffic block. We asked the driver to keep pushing and the guy understanding our dire situation took a sharp left onto the 4-feet wide muddy walkway and continued to push the throttle. With still 500 metres to go, the driver resigned and clearly there was no way he could push the vehicle further. The only means of transport was by foot! Without thinking for a moment, the three of us paid the fare and dashed out. There were messages from friends saying they’ve already been seated in the exam halls. Gasping for air and sweating, the three of us reached the main lobby and registered our attendance and we were allotted rooms.

The test lasted for an hour which was followed by a pre-placement talk (PPT), after which the list of shortlisted candidates would be announced. We were all in the PPT hall waiting for the results. I had a University exam the following day – one of the back-papers that I had in 6th sem. I had even brought the book to study during free time. Somehow, I was all confident and optimistic of the recruitment. From the day morning, something was telling me that one seat in Infosys would be for me. I had never been so optimistic and positive in my life. I even had a prefixed thought in my mind that this was the only opportunity (rather choice) I had left and that I should make the most out of it, and that meant fighting my way through the 400 odd contenders for this one last resort that I thought I had. I thought – this one is for me and I shouldn’t let anyone down, not even ME. Even during the recess time, when gals would kick me or pinch me when I tease them in little fun-chats, I would tell them “Hey don’t ruin my dress, I have an interview to attend!” even before the results of the test were announced. Though it was for fun that I kept saying that, I was almost certain that I would be in, though I didn’t know the reason for my confidence.

The results of the test were being announced at intervals, according to college. Finally, our results were announced. There were 40 who cleared the test from our college, 11 from our department, of the 100 who attended the test from our college alone. I was elsewhere when it was being announced and on my way back, heard from friends that I cleared the test. It was an enthralling moment for me. I was overjoyed. I was in the very few who got through with the test. It was sad to see that most of my close friends could not get through. My parents and elder brother were so excited and happy just when they heard me saying that “I am gonna attend my first ever interview”. Mom couldn’t absorb the fact that her kid had grown up!

The interview began in no time and most of us had to compromise lunch. Everyone waited for one’s turn and finally my number was called out. The interviewer was a lady in her mid 30’s with a bold yet composed temperament. I was permitted in to the room and she began with a hand-shake – the new code to check if the candidate is tensed; a cold or wet palm would speak a lot! My hypothesis of a murky, abominable interview chamber soon changed into a much rational and evident casual-talk room. What started off with a conceptual interview soon manifested into a good conversation and I felt relaxed after the first couple of minutes. However there were many flaws that I made trying to strengthen my point, and at times I even degraded myself talking of certain weaknesses. But she was impressed about the way I contradicted and vindicated my own earlier contradicting statements! It was like she was recording leads and loopholes to corner me in the end. But I escaped out of all of them pretty impressively. With every not-so-convincing-yet-clever answer, she would give a grin with a skeptical “humm!” peeking at me over her glasses! The interview lasted for 10-15 minutes and once all of us were done, we were asked to gather at the seminar hall where the final result would be announced.

By 9:30pm, after hours of waiting, the members of the Infosys HR panel arrived. The names in the final list of ‘recruited’ candidates were read out and among the 11 who cleared the test, 10 of us from our department were formally selected into Infosys. There was a mass hysteria of joy filling up the seminar hall. There were few friends who stayed all the while outside the seminar hall who cheered us from the door. Finally after few instructions and advices from the panel, we were congratulated and let go. It was a frenzy of laughter, hugs and congratulations inside the lobby and corridors, many of them calling their near and dear ones and others attending calls from friends and relatives who came to know about their achievement. My good friend Vinit who was waiting outside and happy on seeing me congratulated me and said – “Now you are happy na?…after all those trials you went through…”. This was exactly the same statement that the one teacher (who is the inspiration for this very post) told me when I rang her up late that night to deliver this happy news.

 Infosys Mysore Campus

When dad heard it from me over the phone, he was smiling and even at that moment trying to tease me, though I could very well perceive that his eyes were filled and very much glad with the news. And in my mom’s case, I had to cheer her up and console her and stop her crying while talking to her over phone in the lobby! She called me “Pro” for the first time! It was still so impossible for her to comprehend that her baby boy is a man now!


On reaching back to hostel, realization struck. Fuck, I’ve got a supplementary exam the following day. And I’ve studied no crap. Once again I was certain (for the second time in a day!) that I was not going to clear it this time too. The exam was a flash! Don’t remember anything! And just as I am about to end this post, the 6th semester supplementary exam results are out in the University of Kerala website and without surprise, I flunked in Compiler Design. But that’s ok, for the time being, because I could very well finish this blog post and also I’ve passed in the remaining exams that I had failed in 6th sem. Hooray!!