When I started out to write something for my new blog post, I had no idea what I should write aobut. I started out with my current state of mind, confused, estranged, doubtful, yes cynical maybe. But I had genuine reasons for all those and when I sat down to write about it, I realized I had to be too abstract keeping in mind certain common interests. Ok, What I am saying is that I tried to write about my feelings but when I found that I could not carry on, I decided to write something amusing, something that’s not dark. But I still didn’t get anything to write. Ok, maybe I’ll write about my latest rendezvous with my strongest ever crush! My crush on a senior collegiate. She’s the prettiest girl in college, but sadly, not just for me but for quite a few others too! :-( Even girls stare at her when she walks by. Her beauty, the attitude in her walk, her smile, her stare, her everything. I bet at least 75% of the girls would have for once wished that she be her. I’ve adored her and stood spellbound at every glance I’ve made on her, and I’ve used every opportunity to glance on her and enjoy that flawless charisma (oh boy, oh boy!). She’s the only one (so far!) about whom I’ve never got tired of praising, because she’s one fine specimen of a woman. The epitome of beauty, the panacea to my dismay, my day-maker!
It all started with my first ever glimpse of her two years back. As I said, she is one year elder in seniority and a few from her class, of course including her, had come to our class to catch prospectus buyers for their old books! I guess she was wearing a maroon salwar that day! The first look on her and I was bowled over! Period. I stood may be with my mouth open in astonishment! She was pretty, prettier than the ‘angel-in-disguise’ in one of my previous posts. Months had passed since I joined the college before I first saw her, and I cursed myself for not being able to adore her for those missed months! But inside, I was elated – ‘better late than never!’ I couldn’t speak to her anything that day, nor till date. Every time I see her, I find time only to stare and adore. Many a times she had caught me looking at her. It never made me embarrassed or humiliated, it only made me better feeling ‘oh yes, we made eye contact. Maybe the eyes will speak…’ but sadly they didn’t. It was as though waiting for the impossible. I had tried to smile at a few occasions when we saw each other eye-to-eye, and there had been eye contacts at point-blank range too, but those occasions were unforeseen and I even found it hard to breathe, let alone smile. It only came out as a slight variation in my lip length, a confused state of joy and suffocation and elation. Now what gesture can be used to show such a complex emotion?!! But the disappointing (or maybe the pleasing) thing is that seeing my face, she finds it hard how to react, to smile or not to. Disappointing because I ruined a chance to see her smile and pleasing because her confusion makes me feel that she is in the same situation as I am! ;-) Too much hopeful eh?!
Maybe the most I stare at her is when she dances. She’s a great dancer and looks attractive in every outfit. She is aware of her beauty. There are instances when my friends and I used to stroll outside dance-practice rooms after class. Even girls in my class know about my attraction for her. A few months back, Divya and I had gone for a ‘walk’ around a class to see her dance and teach her group members the steps. Her moves are immaculate and her expressions are from the heart. She dances with such dexterity and her face speaks her heart; as though it’s her delight dancing. The most special thing I like about her in her dance (apart from her dance itself) is her transformation of emotions in the same dance session. Recently I saw her dance in a huge outdoor stage, and I had found my way to the front rows, she was dancing to a fusion-music. It started off with a love song, and then to a powerful kinda music and back to a peppy number. In the first part she was displaying a charming disposition of a pretty lady, smiling and dancing to the tune, and then a sudden transformation into the second part, where she displays robust steps with the smile vanished from her face, now showing only a stubborn stare with her eyes hardly blinking. The third part takes her emotions back to that of a charming teen. She takes you to different worlds, just look into her face when she dances.
Once or twice, on certain occasions, I had walked outside her class to get a glimpse of her. I couldn’t lurk much around her class, because that would be ogling. And I don’t ogle (not in her case anyway!), I admire.
Coming back to where I started, I happened to see this so called doll (that’s the name that I just christened!) a few days back; the 4th of June to be precise, at around 9:20am. Sixth semester engineering exam; the subject- Software Project Management. Apparently there were many seniors who had arrear in that paper and it was a surprise to see her that morning. She looked pretty, as always. My classmate Preetha saw me watching her walk down the road in front of Information Technology department. Preetha gave me a dubious stare! I said to myself ‘ah, no probs. everyone knows!’ My instant prayer was- no no, not that my exam should be easy. Instead it was ‘God, let us both be seated in the same row, or at least the same class!’ And you know, God works in wondrous ways. He replied in the negative! Maybe He wanted me to write the exam well; after all He probably knows that this is a vulnerable 'subject'! Got the pun?!! Ah… yes, coming back, we were seated in adjacent classrooms. She was walking up and down the corridor with a text book in her hand, apparently studying. I wished she saw me, wished for an eye-contact. But no. Not this time son. Soon it was time to commence the exam and both of us got into different classrooms. Who the F made the seating arrangements!
Hey wait! The story doesn’t end here. As it is said, when a door closes, another one opens before you! And it did. Get what I mean?! The grass is definitely greener on the other side, but damn, I've got green grass in my yard too! ;-) Just that this time its not a magnificient garden, its a murky classroom! But who cares!
